When Coaching Feels Stuck: Understanding Trauma, the Nervous System, and Why Thought Work Isn’t Always Enough

Most of us become coaches because we love helping people shift their lives. We see the power of mindset tools, we’ve experienced it ourselves, and we want others to feel that freedom too.

But what happens when coaching isn’t working?

What if your client keeps looping back to the same painful thoughts, no matter how many times you run a model?

What if they know what to think differently, but they can’t feel the shift in their body (so they don't see it in their actions)?

What if you, as the coach, start to feel stuck, numb, or even defensive in your sessions?

That’s often a sign that trauma is in the room.

My Story: When Thought Work Stopped Working

When I went through coach training, I was all in. For the first time in my life, I could see that maybe I wasn’t broken. Maybe I could actually change.

But the more I tried to apply thought work, the more I realized something was missing.

I could think new thoughts, but I couldn’t feel them.

Many times, I felt frozen. Sometimes I’d show up to calls and feel like a deer in headlights. I struggled to come up with a topic, and when I did, I was worried it wasn't the right one.

Other times I’d start crying and couldn’t stop. My nervous system was in freeze, but I didn’t know it at the time.

On top of that, my body started breaking down. Headaches, back pain, insomnia, tingling in my hands, strange symptoms that seemed to shift from week to week.

Doctors couldn’t explain it. I felt scared and ashamed: why was everyone else moving forward, while I was stuck and falling apart?

It wasn’t until I discovered pain science, somatic experiencing, and trauma work that I understood: my nervous system was protecting me from something new, which felt dangerous to my system. My chronic pain, my freeze, my “imposter syndrome”; they weren't who I was, they were signs of unresolved trauma.

Trauma in the Coaching Room

Here’s what I wish more coaches knew:
Trauma isn’t always about “what happened.” It’s about how the nervous system responds to an experience that is too much and too fast, and the system is overwhelmed. It's how we respond when we feel like there's no way out.

That’s why someone can feel stuck in a thought loop or symptom pattern even when they “know better.” Trauma glues thoughts and emotions together so tightly that mindset work alone can’t pull them apart.

You might see trauma show up in your clients when:

• Fight response: They’re easily irritated, defensive, or resentful. Everything feels like a battle.

• Flight response: They’re restless, anxious, or constantly overworking to stay ahead of discomfort.

• Freeze response: They shut down, get stuck in procrastination, or look “numb” in sessions. Their body feels heavy, their mind foggy.

And sometimes, the coach’s nervous system gets pulled into it too. If you feel unusually drained, critical of yourself, or “checked out” after a session, that’s a clue trauma may be at play.

Why This Matters

As coaches, we don’t need to “treat trauma”, but we do need to recognize when it’s present.

When we try to force mindset work on top of a nervous system stuck in survival, it often backfires. The client feels more broken, more ashamed, and more convinced they can’t change.

Instead, the most supportive thing we can do is:

• Slow down.

• Orient clients to the present moment. Ask about what they see around them, what they love, what brings them joy.

• Look for signs of safety. When someone can access curiosity, compassion, and calm, their nervous system is resourced enough for deeper work.

If they can’t access that state, that’s a good sign it may be time to refer them to a trauma-informed practitioner.

My Work Today

I now specialize in helping women with chronic pain, chronic fatigue, and weight struggles untangle these trauma-based patterns. I use Pain Reprocessing Therapy, Somatic Experiencing, and Emotional Awareness and Expression Therapy, all body-based approaches that reconnect thought, feeling, and physiology.

For my clients, this has meant not only weight loss, but also reduced pain, better sleep, and freedom from cycles of overeating, shame, and self-blame.

For coaches, understanding trauma means you can hold space more safely, recognize when your client is stuck, and avoid internalizing their “stuckness” as your own failure.

Because often, it’s not that you or your client are doing anything wrong. It’s that trauma is locked in the grid of the nervous system, waiting to be gently rewired.

How to Recognize Fight, Flight, and Freeze in a Coaching Session

Fight

• Irritable or defensive when you ask questions

• Strong “push back” energy (even when it’s subtle)

• Everything feels like a battle or argument

• Facial tension (jaw tight, eyes narrowed, lips pressed)

• You may notice yourself wanting to argue back or you may shut down and lose your train of thought

Common symptoms linked to fight:

• Headaches or jaw pain (from clenching)

• Muscle tension in shoulders, chest, or hands

• High blood pressure, racing heart

• Heat or flushing in the face

• Low back pain

Flight 

• Talks fast or jumps from topic to topic

• Always busy, restless, or over-explaining

• Avoids silence or stillness

• Body fidgety (tapping foot, wringing hands, shifting a lot)

• You may notice your own nervous system speeding up, too

• It can even look like extreme excitement

Common symptoms linked to flight:

• Anxiety, worry, looping thoughts

• Stomach issues (IBS, nausea, cramps)

• Rapid heartbeat, shallow breathing, tight chest

• Sweaty palms or cold hands/feet

• Trouble sleeping (mind races at night)

Freeze

• Long pauses, blank stares, “I don’t know” responses

• Looks dazed or checked out, as if not fully present

• Body seems heavy or slumped

• Words may come slowly, or they might laugh nervously to cover the stuckness

• You may feel like the energy in your system drops, too

Common symptoms linked to freeze:

• Chronic fatigue or extreme exhaustion

• Brain fog, forgetfulness, zoning out

• Numbness or tingling in the body

• Feeling cold or shut down physically

• Emotional flatness or inability to cry/feel

• Extreme procrastination. You talk about it over and over again, but it never gets done.

If you notice these signs, slow down. Ask grounding questions like:

• “What do you see around you right now?”

• “Tell me about something that brings you joy.”

• “Can you notice your feet on the floor?”

These simple questions help bring the nervous system back into a state of safety, so healing and growth can happen.

What Self-Energy Looks Like

When a client is in self-energy (sometimes called the “ventral vagal” state), their nervous system feels safe enough for reflection, curiosity, and growth.

You’ll notice:

• Their body looks more relaxed; their shoulders soften, breathing slows, their face is soft.

• They make steady eye contact without it feeling forced.

• Their voice has more range, it's not too fast, not too flat.

• They can access compassion for themselves or others.

• They show curiosity instead of judgment (“I wonder why I do that?” instead of “What’s wrong with me?”)

• They can pause and reflect without getting stuck in overwhelm.

• Laughter or lightness feels natural, not forced.

Common symptoms linked to self-energy:

• Steady heart rate, fuller breaths

• Feeling warm, grounded, present

• Greater sense of connection (to you, to themselves, or to the world around them)

• Easier decision-making and problem-solving

• More energy for daily life and relationships

• Able to stick to programs and follow through on commitments

Why it matters:
When clients are in self-energy, coaching tools land. They’re able to integrate insights, take action, and sustain change.

If a client can’t access this state at all, that’s your cue to slow down, ground them, or even consider referring out to a trauma-informed practitioner.

Shifting Thoughts When Trauma Is Present

If this resonates, I’d love to hear from you. Trauma is complex, but it doesn’t have to be a mystery. The more we, as coaches, understand how the nervous system works, the more compassion we can bring to ourselves and the people we serve.

And if you’ve ever felt “stuck” in your coaching, know that you’re not alone. It may not be a mindset problem at all. It may be your nervous system asking for a different kind of support.